How To Say No & Keep Your Relationships Strong
As an elegant woman, there’s no doubt that you’ve been spending the past week establishing your new year goals, refining your routines and dreaming of a bright future.
However, we all know that life catches up fast! Once work, school and the daily tasks begin to pile up, it’s easy to let your goals and routines take a back seat. Can you relate?
In order to cut through the clutter, keep the chaos at bay and maintain a focus on the future, it’s critical that you learn how to set boundaries and say no while keeping your relationship with others strong.
The ability to SAY NO with ease and grace is a skill all elegant women learn to master in their lifetime, and you can learn this skill, too!
Before you learn my simple framework for SAYING NO, you need to prepare your mind and heart by understanding your Life’s Rules & Standards.
Take a moment and consider the goals you’ve set for yourself and the routines you are establishing for an elegant year ahead. With these things in mind, take time to complete this short exercise:
Reflect on your personal values: Decisions are easier to make when they align with your personal values. If someone makes a request that does not align with your personal values, it should be a simple and automatic no.
Define your core responsibilities: What are the non-negotiables? Work, family time, children’s activities and home tasks need to be prioritized and scheduled into your calendar first. Make sure these responsibilities are accounted for before adding on anything extra.
What are your Life’s Rules?
Create a list of Rules you wish to live your life by. This list is up to you to create, but it should reflect your values and responsibilities. This is where you might highlight your daily/weekly routine, such as scheduling your workouts first before making appointments or scheduling volunteer shifts.
Take these rules into consideration before scheduling or saying yes to extra responsibilities.
What are your Life’s Standards?
Again, your personal values will help you to create a list of standards by which you wish to abide. What Standards do you hold yourself accountable to in order to live an elegant life?
These standards might include being timely (making sure you can meet the deadline) and professional (giving yourself the proper time to do something well).
We often take on more than we can handle because it’s scary to say no and potentially disappoint someone. Once you are clear on the values, responsibilities, rules and standards that guide your life, you will find it easier to say no with less guilt.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others. ”
Whether it’s an invitation you must turn down, a volunteer opportunity that would stretch your schedule or even an activity or playdate for your child that would interfere with family time, you will eventually need to say NO.
How to Say No and Keep Your Relationships Strong
Always remain calm, friendly and confident: Maintain strong posture and open, positive body language, including eye contact and a smile! Take a deep breath and continue with a friendly tone of voice. Your confident demeanor and graceful delivery will ease any awkward feelings or perceived tension.
Remove “maybe” from your vocabulary: If it’s a maybe, it’s a no. It’s natural to wish to avoid the awkward feeling of saying no, but giving a maybe will only prolong the situation. Not to mention, instead of appearing confident you will be perceived as flaky and potentially damage the trust in your relationship. It’s far better to say no right away than lead someone on. Give the person making the request the opportunity to find another person who will be the right fit for the task.
Use “won’t” instead of “can’t”: Can’t implies that you COULD but you don’t want to while WON’T will make it clear that the ask does not align with your personal values, goals and vision. Consider an instance where you might say “I can’t” and practice saying “I won’t” instead.
Example: “I can’t make it to your party on Saturday” v. “Thank you for thinking of me, but I won’t be able to attend the party on Saturday.”
Example: “I can’t commit to that volunteer position.” v “I appreciate you thinking of me for the position, but I won’t be able to commit to the volunteer position.”
Offer a solution: If the opportunity allows, use your no to give someone else a yes. Generously refer to other people or businesses who might be able to say yes. Helping the person with the ask solve their need will demonstrate your willingness to help as much as possible while also giving another person the opportunity to step in!
Saying NO can be difficult but with these simple tips you can now SAY NO with ease and grace without fear of damaging your relationships.
Ready to refine your communication skills and learn more strategies for setting boundaries and saying no?
Schedule your private 1:1 virtual training session today and learn “How To Say No & Keep Your Clients Happy” before prices increase on Feb 1, 2024.
