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When it comes to a good party, it takes two to tango. That means it’s up to the host AND the guest to work together in order to create a memorable event. Yes - being invited to a party is a wonderful honor, but being recognized and included is just the beginning. Once the invitation arrives, the guest must play their part and play it well in order for the soiree to succeed.

What exactly does RSVP mean? Let’s discover the meaning behind this ubiquitous term, the etiquette to responding to an invitation and simple reminders to ensure you are always remembered as an elegant guest!

RSVP - What does it even mean?

RSVP is simply the shorthand version of the French phrase “réspondez vous s’il vous plait” when means “please respond” or, more directly, “respond, if you please”. This phrase is believed to have first appeared in 18th century France across high society, a time when French nobility often hosted extravagant salons or social gatherings. The request on the invitation was simple - please respond to the invitation to let the host know they could count on seeing you there.

While the request may have been simple, the need for the information and confirmation of the guests attending was vital. This still remains true today! Knowing who will be attending the event allows the savvy hostess to plan appropriately. From ensuring that monsieur’s mistress is at the opposite end of the table from his wife to ensuring there’s enough food and drink to go around, names and numbers are critical to any event.

The use of RSVP was soon adopted across high society. As the middle class began to achieve mobility, the use of RSVP became more widespread and is today, still used to politely request a response to an invitation of any kind.

RSVP Etiquette Tips to Remember

Today, an RSVP may be requested in writing or less formally, online. Either way it’s requested, the important thing is to always respond. Remember - it is an honor and a privilege to be included in any event, whether it’s a simple backyard BBQ or black tie affair. An elegant guest will always respond as soon as possible to let the host know whether or not they will be there.

So what does the RSVP entail? It begins with promptly responding to the invitation to let the host know if you will or will not be able to attend the event. As a guest, this means you must first consult your calendar to ensure you have no other obligations. Read the invitation carefully - take note of the time, location and dress code if listed. Make sure you are comfortable with all of the above before committing!

Once you know whether or not you can (and want) to attend, promptly respond to the host in the manner requested. For a formal event, this may entail mailing a physical card. Include the information as requested and double check to make sure it is legible and correct. There is nothing worse for a host than to receive a RSVP card and not be sure who it came from because the writing is illegible!

It is also common for RSVPs to be collected online through a wedding website or digital invitation. If that is the case, be sure to use the link or email address provided.

Less formal events may ask for a call, text or email response. When there is no formal card to complete, a simple message confirming your attendance (or absence) is all that is needed. It’s also wise to confirm the date and time of the event if you plan to attend and know that you are not required to give a reason if you’re unable to be at the event.

Regardless of how the RSVP is collected, the important thing is to follow the instructions explicitly. Do not reach out and confirm with the guest of honor or send a text when an e-mail is requested. The host is responsible for collecting the responses and will appreciate your help in keeping those responses organized. This simple action demonstrates that you value the invitation, the host and the guest of honor.

Once your RSVP has been returned, remember that by accepting the invitation you are making a promise to be there.

It’s important to uphold that promise and only cancel in the case of an absolute emergency (and a better party or prospect is not an emergency.) Thinking about bailing? I’ve covered why that may be a bad idea here.

Acknowledging the RSVP is the first step to being an elegant guest. Your prompt response will help the host to plan appropriately so that the event can be enjoyed by everyone in attendance. Once you’ve committed, the fun can begin! You may wish to think about what you’ll wear (keeping in mind the dress code, of course), or perhaps offer to bring something to share. You’ll also want to consider bringing a hostess gift, depending on the occasion!

If you have further questions about how to be an elegant guest, please leave a comment below and I’ll be happy to answer it!