Life is certain to throw us unexpected curveballs, but the rise in last minute cancellations is a trend that extends beyond those extenuating circumstances.

From a slight uptick in last minute restaurant cancellations to 53% of Americans agreeing that the recent pandemic has made it more acceptable to cancel plans at the last minute, people seem to be canceling their plans with short notice more than ever.

While the person canceling may feel a sense of relief, what they may not understand is that frequently canceling plans at the last minute can damage relationships in the long run. Why? Canceling plans sends a message that the other person is not important. It shakes the sense of security and reliability we crave in a relationship and can also bring up feelings of disrespect, rejection, hurt and disappointment.

If you find yourself frequently canceling plans, you may become labeled as a “chronic bailer” among your friend group. This happens when plans are made and scheduled with mutual agreement and then predictability cancelled.

So when is it ok to cancel at the last minute and when should you think twice?

6 Times It’s Always OK to Cancel at the Last Minute

• Severe/Unsafe Weather

• Travel delays/cancellations

• Illness for self and/or immediate family

• Unexpected work commitment

• Childcare crisis

• Unexpected death, illness or injury of loved ones

Outside of these reasons, think twice before canceling plans, and if you do need to cancel for reasons outside of these exceptions, make sure to give plenty of notice and offer to reschedule (if it’s possible).

What does “last minute” even mean?

“Last minute” depends largely on the type of event and reason for canceling. A large, formal event such as a wedding or a gala requires more notice. If you’ve RSVPd and committed to attending such an event, it is imperative that you make every effort to attend. Outside of the reasons listed above, if you find you no longer wish to attend, you must give the host or organizer as much notice as possible - no less than one to two weeks - to account for changes in seating arrangements and catering that will need to be handled.

For more casual events, such as a happy hour or lunch with friends, “last minute” could be anywhere from 48 to hours or even minutes before the arranged time. In this case, while there may be fewer logistics to tend to, feelings may be more likely to be hurt.

If you feel like bailing because you’re tired, overwhelmed or simply no longer interested in the activity, it’s time to evaluate HOW you’re making plans. Here are a few tips you can use to avoid canceling plans at the last minute and save your friendships, too.

How to Avoid Canceling Plans And What To Do Instead

1. Be honest with yourself: It’s important to know how much is too much for you. No one expects you to run yourself down and say YES to every invitation! If your calendar is already booked to your comfort level, simply say “Thank you for thinking of me. My calendar is full this week but I would love to join you another time.”

2. Be upfront with others: Honesty is key to healthy relationships, so let your friends know that while you appreciate being included, the proposed event is not for you. Not a fan of loud concerts? Activity out of budget right now? Simply say “Thank you for including me. As much as I’d love to join, I won’t be able to this time.” You could even suggest an alternate plan - “Thank you for thinking of me! I won’t be able to make it to the concert, but do you have time next week to meet for coffee? I’d love to hear all about it!” An upfront and honest NO is better than a flaky yes!

3. Apologize and offer to make alternate plans or reschedule when possible. Understand that canceling plans - especially at the last minute - is hurtful and not a situation to flippantly. Approach the topic with empathy, be kind and honest, and offer a sincere apology. While a large event like a wedding or gala can’t be rescheduled around you - do make an effort to offer an alternative plan or reschedule (and follow through) more casual outings to help salvage hurt feelings.

Remember - frequently canceling plans at the last minute can DAMAGE relationships in the long run!

While life is sure to throw curveballs here and there, if you’ve committed to an event in advance (no matter how formal or casual) it’s poor form to cancel at the last minute.

Think twice before canceling plans, and if you do need to cancel for reasons outside of these exceptions, make sure to give plenty of notice and offer to reschedule (if it’s possible).

You may also like to check out recent articles I contributed to on this topic:

• How Late Is Too Late To Cancel Plans? What Etiquette Experts Wish Everyone KnewHow do YOU deal with friends who constantly cancel at the last minute? Written By Beth Ann Mayer featured on Parade.com

• Comfortable Clothes for Your Canceled Post-Holiday Plans Written By Lauren Anderson featured on WomansWorld.com

How do YOU deal with friends who constantly cancel at the last minute? Leave a comment and share your thoughts!